| Dear Rin, I have thought more on our conversation “worry”. If I look honestly on my life I go through seasons of worry until I come to a state of mind “why worry?” Also, however, I have a different attitude toward myself and toward others that I am responsible for. Especially with Lizzy I realize that something in me did not entirely relax until she was finished with college and even until she got a stable job. So contrary to my own life where stability in that regard was for her sake and to support her. Once she was grown and fully taking care of herself—able to respond to her own needs—I felt more able to respond to the creative impulses that wanted to express themselves in me, but then, you see—once Lizzy was really on her own, tere was my parents to care for. It has always been kind of juggling act. Worry does not help if you are trying to juggle. Worry will make the juggler drop the balls. Maybe it is because you were once an acrobat yourself that you understand so well. Artists are always juggling. Maybe they would not be happy if things were too fixed. It would be like all the balls sitting on the table. There would be no challenge in that. Is it challenge or something else? I think maybe activity itself. Life is active, Activity. Sometimes the body must be still for the mind to be active. Sometimes the mind must be still for another kind of activity that I don’t know the word for “listening” I will call it, Stillness---I don’t know stillness---Quiet---yes, but not stillness. Sometimes a quiet inner movement, a peaceful inner whisper and just to listen. Since I’ve been back here---didn’t even have time to unpack. I arrived in time for the lavender harvest. 600 pounds of flowers. We took it to the distillery. From 600 pounds maybe 3liters of the oil. Amazing to think of a whole field of beautiful violet flowers steamed down to a bottle of liquid. The aroma at the distiller was so strong it made us drowsy---kind of dopey. I drunk a little (not recommended) just to see what it is like. Pretty strong stuff. A very pure substance. To see the process—it is pretty fascinating. Well, I am thinking of you and talking to you a lot. Especially when I am with the flowers. Love and Peace, George |