No.42 "SAKURA" by Rin(02/13/2008) |
Dear George,
Hi, how are you? Hope everything is OK with you.
I apologize for taking so long to reply.
I had been lost in an enigmatic forest, and now at last start seeing that I’ve just
made a big turn. I am still dizzy from this strange trip but so ready to move on.
I saw the advertisement of the new book
“YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN A SECOND”
I am a believer of miracle but I think that the change in life doesn’t just happen
in one second, though it seems so. Every moment is the state of constant
change, which is like synchronic fusion.
Well, how can I share with you what I’ve been through?
On December 2nd 2007, I decided to quit my longest habit, smoking cigarette.
Maybe you did not know that I was a smoker, nor most people around me did. I
used to smoke when I was alone and it had been my favorite time. I quitted
smoking during the pregnancy and breastfeeding period. It was not difficult
because I knew it was just a temporary break.
I wanted to change something of myself for the New Year. I had never given the
thoughts of quitting smoking till then. I enjoyed my smoking habit too much to
cut off.
It was from a whimsical curiosity. I did not know what I was getting into it.
This time, it was tough. It was like opening the Pandora’s box.
I started smoking cigarette when I was six years old.
I was on the top of my house and was about to finish my life. The plan was, after
experiencing the first cigarette, holding the knife towards my chest and jump off
and die.
I put the knife down and lit on a cigarette. I inhaled the smoke at the first time,
and then coughed badly. I again tried to inhale and exhale…after a couple of
puffing, I was doing much better.
I felt I grew old suddenly.
I thought about how people would talk about my death, how long people would
remember me, how many people would feel sorry for me…then I inhaled the
sharp pain came up to my throat.
When I finished one cigarette, I felt much lighter. I was not thinking about
killing myself anymore but finishing my homework.
Ever since, cigarette had been my best therapy.
I felt like the life sinking in me gently as I inhale the smoke.
Quitting smoking for me was like losing the magic wand.
I was in trouble because I did not know what to do with those monsters I
created without my magic wand.
At the first, all physical discomforts occurred, …eyes, teeth, throat, skin,
stomach, liver, joints … all sorts of problems and pains I had in the past came
back one after another and tormented me.
At the same time, all forgotten memories came back and choked me.
I was doing nothing but lying down all day.
I felt so tired everyday and had no power of concentration.
I felt I was like a tiny insect. My action was only by reaction.
An interesting thing is that the suicidal idea did not come up during this time.
For the one who had been obsessively thinking about ‘life or death’ since so
young, it is a big change, I thought.
I was so lost, but somehow I knew I was on the right path. I thought that I just
have to go through.
I never knew quitting smoking would cause such a drama. Nobody told me
about it.
George, do you have any habits or attachments? You will be shocked that some
of their roots have grown very deep.
73days have passed without the magic wand.
I still miss it. If someone told me that I only have one day left to live, I would
buy a pack of cigarette and go somewhere to be alone and would enjoy my
magic time.
But, I am not doing so for now.
Why?
Because I have not done with this project yet.
This time, my response is
“SAKURA”
Sakura is cherry blossom in Japanese.
The cherry blossoms are in full bloom here.
I love this tree very much.
Love & Peace,
Rin
Hi, how are you? Hope everything is OK with you.
I apologize for taking so long to reply.
I had been lost in an enigmatic forest, and now at last start seeing that I’ve just
made a big turn. I am still dizzy from this strange trip but so ready to move on.
I saw the advertisement of the new book
“YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN A SECOND”
I am a believer of miracle but I think that the change in life doesn’t just happen
in one second, though it seems so. Every moment is the state of constant
change, which is like synchronic fusion.
Well, how can I share with you what I’ve been through?
On December 2nd 2007, I decided to quit my longest habit, smoking cigarette.
Maybe you did not know that I was a smoker, nor most people around me did. I
used to smoke when I was alone and it had been my favorite time. I quitted
smoking during the pregnancy and breastfeeding period. It was not difficult
because I knew it was just a temporary break.
I wanted to change something of myself for the New Year. I had never given the
thoughts of quitting smoking till then. I enjoyed my smoking habit too much to
cut off.
It was from a whimsical curiosity. I did not know what I was getting into it.
This time, it was tough. It was like opening the Pandora’s box.
I started smoking cigarette when I was six years old.
I was on the top of my house and was about to finish my life. The plan was, after
experiencing the first cigarette, holding the knife towards my chest and jump off
and die.
I put the knife down and lit on a cigarette. I inhaled the smoke at the first time,
and then coughed badly. I again tried to inhale and exhale…after a couple of
puffing, I was doing much better.
I felt I grew old suddenly.
I thought about how people would talk about my death, how long people would
remember me, how many people would feel sorry for me…then I inhaled the
sharp pain came up to my throat.
When I finished one cigarette, I felt much lighter. I was not thinking about
killing myself anymore but finishing my homework.
Ever since, cigarette had been my best therapy.
I felt like the life sinking in me gently as I inhale the smoke.
Quitting smoking for me was like losing the magic wand.
I was in trouble because I did not know what to do with those monsters I
created without my magic wand.
At the first, all physical discomforts occurred, …eyes, teeth, throat, skin,
stomach, liver, joints … all sorts of problems and pains I had in the past came
back one after another and tormented me.
At the same time, all forgotten memories came back and choked me.
I was doing nothing but lying down all day.
I felt so tired everyday and had no power of concentration.
I felt I was like a tiny insect. My action was only by reaction.
An interesting thing is that the suicidal idea did not come up during this time.
For the one who had been obsessively thinking about ‘life or death’ since so
young, it is a big change, I thought.
I was so lost, but somehow I knew I was on the right path. I thought that I just
have to go through.
I never knew quitting smoking would cause such a drama. Nobody told me
about it.
George, do you have any habits or attachments? You will be shocked that some
of their roots have grown very deep.
73days have passed without the magic wand.
I still miss it. If someone told me that I only have one day left to live, I would
buy a pack of cigarette and go somewhere to be alone and would enjoy my
magic time.
But, I am not doing so for now.
Why?
Because I have not done with this project yet.
This time, my response is
“SAKURA”
Sakura is cherry blossom in Japanese.
The cherry blossoms are in full bloom here.
I love this tree very much.
Love & Peace,
Rin